InsaneJournal

Current mood:	terrified and ill
Current music:	box fan

Just a random Phobia....
I just had a thought:

What happens if, when I go to the doctor, they find out that I actually am sick with something?
I have alot of problems, and I'm out of shape.
I'm always tired or feeling drained and lately it's hard to concentrate.
I haven't had an actual period for years now, only random spotting.
My vision is deteriorating, and sometimes it's impossible to focus and I get disoriented.
I have migranes, and breathing problems, and stomach problems.
I also have frequent "hot flashes" where even though it's not warm, I'm too hot.
The one that scares me the most, though, is the breathing problems.
Often, I feel dizzy or ill because my chest feels funny. Not heart attack funny, but more like.... I can't breathe well.
I cough alot, and more often than not I cough stuff up when I do.
When I wake up in the morning, my throat is clogged with gunk, and sometimes it makes funny noises when I breathe.
I have very little stamina, and I get out of breath quickly.

I'm actually really scared. I normally don't like to bring this stuff up, because I don't want people to think I'm a hypochondriac, but....
For the past few months, I've just felt like something's wrong.
I always say that I'm going to die by age 35, and that if something happens I'm just going to go with it instead of fighting fate, but....
When you're actually faced with questions concerning your own mortality, and the possibility that you could actually die, it's scary.

And this doesn't make me feel any better.

I know that most of this stuff can probably be cleared up with:
Get on birth control so your hormones are balanced.
Lose weight.
Don't smoke.
Get new glasses.
Fix your sleep schedule.
Get medication.

But.... What if it's actually more serious than that?
There's alot of health problems that run in my family.
Cancer, leukemia, diabetes, asthma, heart problems, and so on....

I feel like I need to go lay down.