8:47pm: Not dead, Just dying....
I need to keep putting things off so much. Really. I've owed those of you who know me an explanation of my absence for months now, and I've just been putting it off because there's so much to write. Really, it's going to sound like one big huge emofest.... And I rarely have the time to sit around and write big huge emofests anymore.....

[TRANSMISSIN INTTERUPTED: Dude, seriously, somebody just drove by outside with their car stereo blasting "I want to get hiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, so hiiiiiiiiiiiigh!" XD;;; Totally threw me off my groove....]

...Ahem. Anyway. I'm thinking of the best way to do this, and I think doing it in a sectioned number of lists is better, because otherwise I'll forget what I'm doing.... That didn't make any sense, did it? Ah, god, it feels good to write again, though, even if it means nothing. It's nice to be able to type out my thoughts and give my opinions to everyone and no one at the same time. I miss having this kind of outlet. I need a laptop. I need to be able to type in privacy, read in privacy, and not worry about who else can see what I'm doing.

Anyway, there will be topics, then random facts having to do with them. I'm not gonna go too deep into anything unless somebody asks, though. There's alot.

( Cuts for Privacy and Space. )

There's more, but I got distracted again.
Sorry. I suck at catch-up posts.

And, seriously.... There's half a piece of pizza across the room, covered, and I can still smell it, and it's making me sick. x_x;; AND IT'S MY DAMN PIZZA.

2:38am: "You can't kill me, I have the blue wig of invulnerability!"
So.... I was supposedt to update people like.... A LONG TIME AGO...... And then I either procrastinated or wasn't on the computer, and then we lost the internet..... So..... I suck, and I'm sorry.

I've been going to work with Michi almost every night from 9-6, except it looks like now she's off there on weekends, so I'll hopefully have more time on here. Going there is nice, because it gives me time to read, write, and draw.... I've read SO MANY BOOKS. @_@;;; But, it makes me happy. ^_^ --- Currently, I'm in the middle (literally) of The Count of Monte Cristo. I restarted it because it'd been so long since I stopped reading, and it only took me about a week to catch up and pass where I was before. (I was on like, Ch57 of 117, now I'm on like 60-something) And I'm taking notes on it, so I won't forget what happens. ^_^;;; I have 11 pages so far. But, seriously, if you haven't read it, READ THAT BOOK. This is the only book I've liked enough to call a "Favorite", EVAR. Like.... I want my dad to read it so bad, I'm tempted to type the whole 3000 page thing word for word and email it to him. THAT is how awesome this book is. @x@

Aside from going to Michi's work.... Uhm.... We're not going to SakuraCon this year, because it's smarter to spend the money on bills.... And really, since everyone we usually go with probably won't be going either, where's the fun in it anyway?

Aside from that, it looks like I'll be getting back on Gaia a bit, for the Guild we all had, if everyone else comes back like that say they will.... >>;;

ALSO.... BEST MMO EVER. MEGATEN. PLAY IT, FOOLS.
My name on there is "Nevada". Let's play!

CopyPasta-ing a bit from an email I wrote to Aiji:
"I've been reading alot lately, too. Michi's work is a really nice place to read/draw/study/etc.... If I wasn't so lazy, I'd write there too, but I needs keyboard to write.... Otherwise it takes too long to get out what I need to say, and my hand gets all cramped up and covered with ink or graphite. x_x;;; BUT GOD DO I WANT TO RP AGAIN NOW THAT I CAN TYPE. OMFG. Like seriously, I'm on a creative kick, because I really wanna like.... Sing, Draw, and Write..... SO BADLY. x_x ---- I was gonna tell you what I've been reading. XD;;; Totally WOTed that one. (WOT, a term we created for Kira, because she always goeas Way Off Topic... XD ) ANYWAY..... Because you might like some of these books, or have read them or heard of them or something..... Haruki Murakami, 2 books, "Sputnik Sweetheart" and "Hard-Boiled Wonderland and The End of the World"  -- Ryu Murakami, 1 book, "Coin Locker Babies" -- J.D.Salinger, 1 book, The Catcher in the Rye -- And I just restarted the last book in Phillip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy because I never finished it last year when I read the other two, and my dad's been bugging me to finish it so we can talk about it. XD;;; After that, I may read "The Story of O", but I kinda wanna restart and hopefully finish "the Count of Monte Cristo" because it's one of the most awesome books ever, and like I said, Michi's new job gives me PLENTY of nice quiet time to read --- I just sit at one of the back tables in the Deli with my giant GITS Laughing Man bag and look intellectual. XD;;;"

It was just easier to repaste it than typing it all out twice. >>;;;

OH!! OH!! OH!! MY AUNT SAID--and I have this in writing, plus witnesses--THAT SHE'LL BUY ME A LAPTOP IF I GET MY GED. :D
Which means then I'll be able to like... Write and watch anime and shite..... WHEREVER I WANT TO. :DDDDDDDDD
And it also means that Michi and I can play MegaTen together! <3

I really dunno what else to say... I need to make another layout for my journal.... OR HAVE SOMEONE ELSE MAKE ME ONE. *hint*

Currently, I'm waiting for Michi, Kirarin, and Mattigan to get back from the store... And then we'll prolly watch Pineapple Express and go bowling with Haydée or Lycoris.

Now, I'll end with another copypasta:
GIVE ME WRITING OR DRAWING ASSIGNMENTS SO THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT DO THEM. I HAS KEYBOARD AND SCANNER NOW, AND NOTHING TO DO.

8:09pm: I LIVE!!!
Has keyboard and nets back. Still no phone, though.
Not much time to write now, but will type more later.
Going to work with wifey.
<3

3:32pm: Updates
So...... my GA got turned off, and even DSHS doesn't know why yet. Kira just got fired from BK because her drawer was short $20 last night. We can't find the paperwork to keep our power from getting shut off. We need to pay the storage unit or they'll auction our stuff. We need to pay Colortyme or they'll take our stuff back. And we have no food, toilet paper, or money. Oh! And the bathroom door is falling off the hinges.

Needless to say, still no phone or keyboard.

9:58pm: Phone Dead Room
Not dead, but phone and keyboard are.
Have net back, using on-screen keyboard to type.
It SUCKS.

Watched all of Higurashi and Higurashi-Kai in a week.
LOVED IT. WANT MOAR.

No idea what else to say, aside from "Miss y'all, and I can't wait to fix phone and keyboard so I can talk to you again!"
Gonna go for now though, point-and-click typing is too tedious.

<3

11:42am: R.I.P.
Machi died this morning.
They thought she was doing better yesterday, and were planning on having her well enough for us to bring home today.
Her temperature dropped at about 9:30 this morning, and they couldn't get it to come back up.
I blame myself for all of this.

Now, because of vet fees, we're $250 short on our rent, so we could also be in danger of losing the house.

Michi says her birthday is cursed.
I don't wanna believe her, but...
Who knows?

(( still updating with phone ))

1:50pm: Family Emergency
Yesterday was Michi's birthday.
We went to Game Dawgz.
We went to SushiYaki.
We finished moving out of the old place.

And Machi came down with parvo.
She's at the vet right now, we took her in last night. I'm not comfortable telling it all just yet, but they called this morning and she seems to be doing better.
Pucca and Roxii seem fine. We got them meds and vacines to prevent it, and we're getting them tested after that.
Roxii's staying with grama for now, because she'll pay for her stuff. She just left, and I already miss her.

I'm a wreck.
I wish we could all get fucked up off our asses.
I need to forget for awhile.
This is too much.

((still using cell to post))

7:16pm: UPDATE TIME
Okay... So I didn't have a chance to post that I'd be gone for awhile, because we were moving, because when I went to post before unhooking the computer -- Our internet was shut off. And then, when I went to post with my phone to say that we were pretty much moved but had no net -- Our phones were shut off. But now the phones are back on, so I can post. XD

It's nice at the new place. The living room is almost done and looks nice. We're poor as hell now, though, and finishing up at the old place is one problem after another.

Gotta go, wife's calling.
<3

12:41am: Just a random Phobia....
I just had a thought:

What happens if, when I go to the doctor, they find out that I actually am sick with something?
I have alot of problems, and I'm out of shape.
I'm always tired or feeling drained and lately it's hard to concentrate.
I haven't had an actual period for years now, only random spotting.
My vision is deteriorating, and sometimes it's impossible to focus and I get disoriented.
I have migranes, and breathing problems, and stomach problems.
I also have frequent "hot flashes" where even though it's not warm, I'm too hot.
The one that scares me the most, though, is the breathing problems.
Often, I feel dizzy or ill because my chest feels funny. Not heart attack funny, but more like.... I can't breathe well.
I cough alot, and more often than not I cough stuff up when I do.
When I wake up in the morning, my throat is clogged with gunk, and sometimes it makes funny noises when I breathe.
I have very little stamina, and I get out of breath quickly.

I'm actually really scared. I normally don't like to bring this stuff up, because I don't want people to think I'm a hypochondriac, but....
For the past few months, I've just felt like something's wrong.
I always say that I'm going to die by age 35, and that if something happens I'm just going to go with it instead of fighting fate, but....
When you're actually faced with questions concerning your own mortality, and the possibility that you could actually die, it's scary.

And this doesn't make me feel any better.

I know that most of this stuff can probably be cleared up with:
Get on birth control so your hormones are balanced.
Lose weight.
Don't smoke.
Get new glasses.
Fix your sleep schedule.
Get medication.

But.... What if it's actually more serious than that?
There's alot of health problems that run in my family.
Cancer, leukemia, diabetes, asthma, heart problems, and so on....

I feel like I need to go lay down.

8:21pm: House Project!!
Working on the house again today. We're almost done painting the living room.
Pictures below cut!

( BEHOLD!! )

Love on the crazy color scheme. It was all my idea. XD;;;

11:53pm: Life Updates
So, things are finally looking up again, even thoug I almost don't want to say anything for fear of jinxing it.

1] We got a house.
It's a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. It has a decent sized living room, a huge kitchen, a nice sized yard, and two stories. Ugly as sin on the outside, and not in the best part of town, but not quite the worst either. We get to paint the rooms, and we already started on the living room yesterday.

2] I got my benefits from the state.
Because I'm crazy, they've deemed me unable to work at this time. As far as I know, I get money, food stamps, and medical. They want me to get a doctor and go to counseling, and I need appointments for these by the end of the month. This works out just fine, because that's what I wanted the medical for anyway. I'm not sure who I want as a doctor, but Mama wants me to get her old counselor since mine's not there anymore. AND I CAN GET NEW GLASSES/CONTACTS. AND MAYBE GO TO THE DENTIST. That shouldn't make me as happy as it does, but man, I've been waiting 2 years to get caught up on all this health BS.

3] Kira and Matt are staying for awhile.
We told them we were moving, and we gave them an ultimatum. They could go with us ONLY if Matt actively tried to get an income. He's been setting up appointments at DSHS to see about getting benefits like mine, and I'm proud of him. They aren't on the lease for the new place, and it'll be up to them when and if they want to leave. However, Matt has 30 days to try and get money coming in, be it benefits or job or panhandling and prostitution, or they're out. I think it's a happy medium between letting them mooch and abandoning them, so it's fine by me. Things have been feeling better around here since we talked it out, too.

Today's my daddy's birthday, and I gotta remember to send him an eCard.
My birthday is next week, on the 15th, and Michi's is after that, on the 23rd.
So far, all we've asked for if anyone wants to give gifts is money. Helps us with moving costs and stuff.
We were gonna try to go out to the beach, but... It's just not possible right now, so maybe for Halloween.

Let me know if you guys want me to post pictures of the house as we get it put together, because if you do, I will. XD;;

8:38pm: Big Yellow Taxi
I wanted to call the crisis hotline last night. Wanted to tell them that I wanted to kill myself because everyone in my house was fighting, and I couldn't stand it. Sarah and Matt got in an argument over TXT, and I had a giant panic attack over it. I ended up curled up in a ball on my bed sobbing for three hours, and Michi made Kira come upstairs and hang out with me so I would calm down. Things shouldn't have turned out this way. Just small little things, snowballing into huge things... And through it all, I just keep thinking about what Ville said, and I have to admit, that's really how it is. I'm just stupid and naive, and someday hoping for the best is going to kill me.

There's nothing we can do now but move on. Try to salvage what's left. Make the best of things.
Common sense, common sense, common sense.... So many directions, but you only get to pick one.
I don't want to be alone. I'd rather have a family environment. It worked a bit before Vegas, and during Vegas... But after that...
I miss having people to hang out with.

I don't know if I'll be online much tonight. I'll leave gMail up, just in case any of you are, but... I don't know.
I think I'll try playing a videogame or something....
I wish I had nailpolish remover. And batteries for my mouse.

ILUgaiz.

8:25pm: Wakka is an Ainu
PLEASE READ, if you haven't already, because some of you may not know or care about my girlfriend's journal, but.... This is important, and ANY feedback would be welcome. Even if you don't know her, you know me, so..... Please. x_x

Not much idea of what else to say, but if I think of anything, I'll write later. ^_^;;;

<3

4:03pm: At your service, nya!
Been watching Tokyo MewMew out of sheer boredom and nerdiness.... It's cute, yet WAY too reminicents of BSSM... >>;;;

Got Jade Empire for the pc, and started playing that.... It's fun, but the moving controls are a bit annoying....

Been playing ForumWarz, and I think I'm on the last mission in Episode 1....

Gonna be online tonight, because Michi works bar at SIDs from 10-2:30.

Meow.

10:06pm: Don't hate, yo....
Okay, so I am online tonight, sorta. The thing is, for some reason I don't feel so good. Looking at the computer makes me kinda dizzy... So.... I'll try and do some RB stuff, but it won't be much... I kinda just wanna hit things, but I have nothing like that.... In other words, I'm bored, but I wanna do something that doesn't require too much brainpower, because I just.... I don't feel good. I may just end up reading, I don't know.

Did a Yes/No/Maybe list for BDSM with Michi, because that's what one of the books I got suggests... We still have to talk about it, though. I mean, hell, it took her three days just to do the basic checklist part of it, and she still hasn't done the rest. I dunno... There's some things that I just don't think will work out.... Makes me a bit sad.

Got to visit with a buddy last night. It was good times. It'd be nice to do it again.

I totally just lost my train of thought.

I think I'm gonna try to do some RB comments, but I may have to put off the entries until tomorrow, in the hopes that I'm feeling more lively....

Oh, that's what I was going to say... There's another house we're looking at. Dunno if it'll go anywhere, but...

Ah, yes, and also... I'M A GENIUS, AND LOST MY PHONE SOMEWHERE IN MY BEDROOM.
So if anyone's been trying to TXT or call me.... I have no idea where my phone is, and the battery was dead when I lost it. x_x
Sorry, guys. x_x;;; I'm not intentionally ignoring you, I just have no idea where it is... x_x;;

LOL, BTW: There's a restaurant that Michi and I go to for sorta special occasions called Alexander's, and they seriously have an item on the menu called DELICIOUS CAKE. No shit. I saw it last night, and LOLed. XD

9:11pm: Zebras are not horses....
I STILL HAVE THAT GODDAMN HEADACHE. T__T

I've been taking tylenol every 4-6 hours, and that hardly works.... I've been drinking lots of water, so it's not dehydration, and Michi got me Subway to eat today, so it's not hunger.... I'm wondering if my neck is out or something... My nose isn't stuffy enough for it to be a sinus thing..... YAY, IT'S PROBABLY A BRAIN TUMOR OR SOMETHING. :D

Was doing fairly good last night on RB, Aiji was online.... But Matt wanted to use the computer, and I told him he could because he never asks to.... And I figured he'd check his email or something and be done.... But.... NO, he was on there for like..... Three or four HOURS.... And half of that was looking shit up on eBay.... I mean, it was awesome shit, mind you.... Like Shit we remember from back in the day when the world was cool.... But still...

So, Aiji, I FEEL SO BAD FOR NOT COMING BACK!!!! ;__;
I just couldn't kick him off... x_x

I'll try to catch up some more on there tonight.... Hopefully I can get over this damn headache so I can think enough to post an actual entry or two.... x_x;;;
Especially since I've had like, I dunno, at least three or four planned for the last WEEK.... X_X;;;

I'm guessing this is my entry where I use CAPS alot... XD;;;
Maybe it's the headache.... It's connected directly to the shift key. XD

God, it's like.... Behind my left eye, but almost encompassing the entire left side of my head... It's hard to explain, but the eye is the center of it.... I HATE HAVING HEADACHES. ><;;;;

I got Roxii's flea collar on her finally, took forever to find the damn thing. Had to cut it with Bono, because I forgot to grab scissors... x_x;;;

Wow, I'm spacing out.... x_X;;;;

Anyway, aside from RB tonight... I also wanna do my little leveling crap on FW.... Might even get on Audition, but only if the head pains stop...
AND.... caps... I'm going to make a y/n/m list.... And Hopefully Michi and I can both fill it out and compare them. ^_^

OMG, I NEED MOAR TECHNO, SOMEONE REC SOMETHING. @_@

Yes, it must be drainbamage.... Gonna go now... Sorry for randoming all over the place... x_x

8:30pm: Manah Manah
I have the biggest headache ever... Like, it's been with me all day, even though I've been regularly popping tylenol for it..... So it may take me until a bit later to do anything on RD, but I will do it before the night is up.

Went to look at another house today. It'd work, if we could get it.

God, head pain, hunger pain. I want to lay down....

Doubt I'm gonna eat tonight, because we had no money for food when we went out, and there's not much in the house.... And I really don't feel like going downstairs and making anything just yet.

I feel sick.

8:33pm: house of leaves
Spent yesterday and today looking at houses. Can't say just yet if anything will come of it. We have until October, though.

Brought Roxii in to spend the night with me, gave her a bath, and now she's all fluffy. I can't wait until we have a place where she can be in more often. I've got a plan for the girls, too... Since I'll probably be doing it on my own, I'll be training them in shifts. Dunno how well it'll work, but with Michi having 2 jobs, it's the best I can do for now. I'm gonna do it like I did with Roxii, who was about the same age when I got her and untrained... Hopefully it'll work at least a little.

Plan on spending tonight on the computer, catching up on RB stuff, playing ForumWarz, maybe Audition, and reading up on more BDSM stuff. I doubt I'll find a "how to" manual, because everyone is different, but.... Maybe a "starter's guide" might exist somewhere... XD;;

God.... Kira made hommade lasagna a the other day... And I think I got food poisoning from it.... Been stomach icky for the last two days since eating it. x_x

11:09pm: ran out of room
I don't know if the phone has a typing limit, or if it's the online posting that does.... Either way, I probably won't post much more, because I don't want eight million entries for today....

Still havenlt gotten my drink.
Oh yes, and there was a glass shard in my shoe this morning. It was smallish, but long, and I had to dig it out of my foot with my fingernails.... Don't have a band aid, either. Joy.
It's very warm, because I'm sitting by a window and wearing two shirts... I hate being warm.

Now, what I was saying before... I wish I'd known I was coming here, because then I coulda grabbed my other book, my DS, my drawing stuff, and my headphones for my phone... But I didn't. So I have nothing to do but finish the space in this entry, hope I get TXTed, and try to convince myself to read that Kushiel book....

God, I'm hungry. I have half a sandwich here that Michi gave me, but I'd feel retarded eating in public, and worse because I'm alone. So I'll just sit here staring at it, wishing I wasn't so dumb....

11:09pm: SO.....
Just got out of the interview thing. Going back next week to talk to a psychologist. Dunno what'll come of it, yet, though.

Typing this out on my phone. Istead of going back home, I ended up going to Michi's work with her, because she had to leave partway through her shit to take me over there. So I'm sitting in a back corner, watching people eat, and feeling awkward as hell.

I got offered fries, but turned them down... I don't wanna get up now that I'm here. OH THANK GOD. Michi came over and offered me a drink, I'm so thirsty. I'm such a wuss, though. There's people here who wanna talk to me, but I can't move. I keep coughing, and I hate it. Makes me think people will stare.

I don't know how much it'll let me type, but I'm hoping it'l let me do it for a little while longer. It's good to have a distraction. The only thing I have with me is Kushiel's Dart, because I grabbed it on the way out. I don't really wanna read it, like I said before, but since I didn't know I was coming here after, I didn't think...

1:36pm: Paranoia
In a few hours, at 3pm, is my appiontment to go and talk to the social worker to determine if I'm "unfit to work" due to social phobias and anxiety.... I worry about how it will go. I don't know if being myself will be convincing enough, or show how bad I really am, considering I have a great defense set-up.... Most people have no idea how scared I really am,because I hide it under good conversational abilities and wit. The only thing is, the reason I do that for the most part is.... Well, it's like.... Crowd pleasing? I feel that if I amuse them enough, then maybe they'll like me and not notice how fucked up I am...

My stomach is upset. I'm tired, but I can't go back to sleep. Michi told me to read Kushiel's Dart, but I don't know if I want to. For one, I don't wanna read anything else until I finish His Dark Materials, and two, I'm not sure yet if it's really something I want to read... Now, granted, I love fantasy novels, I love angels and weird takes on religion, I love historically themed pieces, and I want to get into BDSM type things.... And this book has all of them.... I've also heard really good things about it that were from people I trust who aren't Michi and Pengu, whose opinions don't count, because IMO all they read is ANY 'supernatural' smut out there.... But.... I just don't know how I feel about reading a book where the main character is a masochist.... I mean... I want to read books like the Story of O, and the Beauty series.... Books where people who aren't originally into that kind of thing are thrown into it and 'trained'..... I'm more interested in the psychological breakdown and rebuild concept, and more into the DS of BDSM than the SM.... So I'm not sure if reading a book about someone who inherently 'likes' it is going to be my cup of tea.... I don't want to read it for the sex, and really it seems that's what most of the focus is on..... If I was just interested in violent sex, I could DL hentai or something, y'know?

I think I'm just gonna go lay down again.... I still don't feel very good.

Sorry for not being online last night. Michi got off work at 9pm, and we actually spent the evening together for once. It was nice.
I've said it before, but the most of my online time is on the weekends, when Michi works nights. During the week, it's hit or miss.

BTW: Aiji, post pictures somewhere on here of your 'ink markings' please? I hate MySpace, and generally, Michi's always logged in on her account and gets pissed if anyone signs her off.

God, my keyboard is acting gay again.... x_X;;

9:48pm: Nothing is hotter than a contortionist playing with hula hoops....
Hn, so.... What have I been doing these past few days?

rainbowbrigde
Been trying to keep up with everyone on there, and holy shit, that is a task and a half... x_X;; I'm the one in the group with the most free time, but good lord, I just can't seem to keep up with everyone else. XD;;
Sorry for being slow on responses... Gotta get back into the swing of things. x_X;;;

ForumWarz
Also been on there alot, playing INCIT and trying to pwn forums to level up and get more money so I can finish the Black Ops mission.

BDSM
Been reading up on it, because I wanna try it. *grins* .....not the really hardcore stuff, just yet, but.... I really think it's something I wanna try.

......Other than that, not a whole hell of alot.... got some more music, and a bit more anime, but... that's about it. x_x

10:38pm: AH, WHAT A FINE DAY FOR SCIENCE....
There is a kitten trying to attack my ass in the chair. o_O;;

Got all mah homewurk dun on RB... XD
Kinda surprised by a few of them...
If I can figure out more, I will, but it takes deliberation... I'm thinking of doing a mass group post and poking at people soon.

Started up ForumWarz again, for shits and giggles.
Also been playing hide and seek with a friend on Audition.

Need to watch more anime. I wanna watch more Ranma and Slayers with Michi, I also wanna start watching Utena with her. Need to finish Higurashi and Death Note, too. Gah, internets, why do you always make me waste tiem? x_x;;; Not like I really mind, though. ^_^;;

8:59am: Ah, the internets... It only exists for rotting brains.....
Just spent a few hours "studying" Encyclopedia Dramatica. How sad is it that I really don't know much of the 'common interwebs knowledge'? x__X;;;

And now, it's so hard for me to try to keep someone from writing in Anomie, and only posting "I did it for the lulz." x_X;; Of course.... Uhm... I find it kinda funny, but.... People's one-night stands really aren't worth wasting an entry on, are they? o_O;;;

Think I'll go lay down again until Michi has to go to work at 10.... After that, who knows?

I need a desklamp for over here... I hate having the main light on, but for the love of christ, I can never see the keyboard.
Yes, I look down to type, even though I don't really think I need to. It's an OCD thing. x_x